This goes to our extended family members …  – The Culture project

I’m not the girl who is asked “how can you still be single?” Instead, I’m asked, “Why aren’t you doing more to get involved?” Both questions just grind my gears, but there is at least one compliment implied in the first question that doesn’t even exist in the second. Is anyone else tired of essentially being told that it’s your fault that you don’t have a significant other, even though you would like to? Even if you try, try, try, as my mother likes to say, to increase the flow of people in your life, hoping that someone can finally take an interest? Welcome to my new campaign to completely stop using these questions. Instead, I’ll outline some alternatives here on how to reach someone about their dating life, without hurting them in the process.

  1. Start of conversation.

Speak about literally anything else first! Do you really care about this person’s life, his love to give, the ups and downs of him? Or do you just want to hear the gossip about who is single and who is not? I would encourage you to check yourself before you screw up and make a point to have a conversation that shows your genuine care for the human being in front of you. Please make an effort to be in a relationship with them, to pray for them, or to follow the rest of their daily life updates. Dating experiences, or the lack of them, can be a vulnerable thing for someone to discuss, and I can guarantee they’d be more likely to share them if you’ve already established a level of trust.

  1. Maybe they’ll get it out first!

If someone has a significant other they’re excited about, chances are they’ll feel the urge to share that information at some point without even having to ask. This makes your job a lot easier! I strongly encourage a certain amount of something common in education called “waiting time”. It might seem excruciating as you anticipate receiving new acquaintances, but if you know you have a problem with gun jumping, just try spending time with them and waiting for them to say something!

  1. Okay, so they didn’t raise it. And now?

That’s it, you need to know! You’ve heard all the other updates, you see so much beauty in it and you wish they were loved because you love them so much. how long last to ask about this person’s love life?

“Are you going out with anyone right now?”

Simple and sweet. There is no need to include anything else that implies something about why / what they are doing wrong, or how every man in the world must be crazy for ignoring it … It just isn’t necessary. They can answer your question, and if they feel comfortable, they are likely to share more without asking for confirmation. They might say, “No, I’m not dating anyone right now and that’s fine with me!” They might say, “No, I’m not dating someone right now, but if you know a good couple, send them my way!” They might even say, “Yeah, I’m dating someone and they’re great! Let me tell you all about them.” If they don’t feel comfortable expanding the answer, they may as well just answer your question and let it go. Other All right. Sometimes we have to stop and try to agree with someone else’s desire for privacy.

  • Make sure it’s appropriate in the context of your relationship with them.

Are you a female relative? A male relative? An old friend? An ex boyfriend or girlfriend? A new acquaintance? A former best friend who is still regaining trust? Please be aware of the different levels of suitability that depend on who you are to them. Do you know if a family reunion or a high school reunion is coming up? Be thoughtful beforehand, considering the most appropriate way to discuss this potentially sensitive topic. They will be much more grateful right now!

  • Show respect for their response.

Praise God, you have been trusted and now you have learned about the experiences of your loved one! This is something to be Like this thankful forso why not express your gratitude to them?

“Thanks for sharing it with me!”

“It seems like a difficult experience and I would like to pray for you as you move on.”
“I am so excited to know how happy you are !! Let’s rejoice in how the Lord has blessed you, together! “

Now, all these ideas are just that: just ideas. I am not an expert at all and I have had to grow a lot in these areas myself. I can’t guarantee if you follow these steps exactly that you will magically get tea on someone’s dating experience. Every human person has the freedom to answer or not and, in the end, you will have to respect it. However, I believe if you keep this blog in mind next time you meet someone to catch up with, they will feel much more loved than the classic * sigh * questions we sadly hear every other time. Love is an exciting thing, and get excited for someone when the time is right. But outside your love for them, please try to love them well in these conversations too. Good luck!

the cultural project